#291 Do Not Let Your Horniness Overwhelm Your Common Sense

Selby optician John Gill found guilty of sex charges in the presence of a minor.

Which is to say, dude was playing with his cock while checking a teenaged girl's eyes. Which is further to say that dude is a horny moron (a hornon?) because the risk/reward calculation here is far, far skewed towards the "Not worth it" side.

There's a line that his common sense should have told him was just not worth crossing. You want to jack off? Fine. You want to jack off while you have a client in the chair? Not so fine.

Enjoy your stay in prison for lewd acts, Mr. Gill.

Rule #291 is Do Not Let Your Horniness Overwhelm Your Common Sense

#290 Don't Bugger Animals

SC man gets 3 years in prison for sex with horse. Rodell Vereen got the sentence after pleading guilty for the second time in two years to having sex with the horse. The same horse.

Pretty safe to say that Rodell has some sort of a problem. Or that is one of the hottest horses known. But much, much more likely, he's got a screw or two loose. Or, in the words of Rashad Evans from last week's The Ultimate Fighter, that guy's cheese has fallen off the cracker.

Rule #290 is Don't Bugger Animals

#289 Sober Up After You Get a DWI

Utica woman arrested for DWI twice in a night, five hours after getting busted for drunk driving and drug possession, Talitha Gorea was busted once again for drunk driving.

Which is to say, she has a problem with alcohol, drugs and an inability to understand why laws are in place. They aren't to punish people they are to protect other people from your incredible stupidity and selfishness.

Seriously, before you go and get back in the car after getting a DWI (or DUI out here in California) you should probably take a good long nap, sober up, get something to eat and give some serious thought to just what the fuck you are doing with your life.

Rule #289 is Sober Up After You Get a DWI

#288 Don't Beat Lessons Into Kids

Dad guilty of abusing son who stole juice box by forcing him to drink so many juice boxes that he puked and then got out his belt and beat the kid, who by the way, is mentally disabled, on his back and butt.

This is beyond ridiculous and borders on the psychotic. The boy didn't learn anything except to be afraid of his father and his temper.

Just awful and very, very sad.

Rule #288 is Don't Beat Lessons Into Kids

#287 Sword Beats Bare Hand

College student with sword kills burglary suspect after his house had already been burgled early in the day. I wish I had some sympathy for the burglar but he had no business stealing from the student and ended up paying the ultimate price for his life of crime.

Live by the steal, die by the sword. Better luck next time around.

Rule #287 is Sword Beats Bare Hand

#286 Don't Coddle Thugs

Teenager jailed after attacking 15-year-old boys and filming "torture" video on his mobile

Ricardo Poli is a thug and a punk. He picked on younger boys, he abused them, he filmed it for his viewing pleasure after the fact and already has a record of similar behavior. He's also been busted toting a sawed off shotgun which is utterly useless except for killing people.

He's 18 now, time to send this piece of shit to prison for the next 15 or 20 years.

Rule #286 is Don't Coddle Thugs

#285 Cops, Don't Shoot the Fire Chief, Especially Not in Court

Fire chief shot by cop in Ark. court over tickets. Basically, there are too many cops in a small town of less than 200 people. The cops spend all their time giving out tickets and people are tired of the bullshit.

The Fire Chief was in court for the second time that day and got into an argument with one of the cops who, eventually, got so pissed off at the Fire Chief that he pulled out his gun and shot him. No, he didn't kill him (which is kind of crazy given how close they must have been) and, as a result, the police farce force has been temporarily suspended.

The whole thing is one giant ClusterWTF.

Rule #285 is Cops, Don't Shoot the Fire Chief, Especially Not in Court

#284 Consider the Consequences

Stranger accused of slapping crying child at store at least four times after he "warned" the 2 year old's mother that she had better shut her up. So this cranky 61 year old moron named Roger Stephens lays hands on someone else's child (note, I don't think its okay for someone to slap their own child) in order to teach that kid a lesson.

And he is the one who is going to get the painful lesson for his utter assholery. And yes, he does look like a real peach of an guy.

The odd part is that he somehow expected that slapping a child was going to quiet her down and even commented afterwards "See, I told you I would shut her up." But when he hit her, the little girl started screaming. How is that shutting her up?

No matter, one cranky asshole is going to prison for felony cruelty to children. I'm sure he'll be very well received by the other inmates.

Rule #284 is Consider the Consequences

#283 Don't Throw Dogs into Ravines

Teen pleads guilty to tossing Chihuahua puppy into ravine, faces jail time.

The story is that this kid, Andrew Ariola Corpus, was drunk and playing with the dog, the dog nipped him so he stuffed it in a box and threw it in a ravine.

Which is to say, he's a piece of shit angry teenage drunk. I hope he gets the maximum sentence of a year in prison and realizes that being a mean douchebag of a human being is a shortcut to a really crappy life.

The dog was found five days later and was mostly okay just hungry, covered in ticks (eww) and cold.

Have you ever noticed that people tend to do some pretty stupid things when they're drunk? Jimmy Buffett has a song with a chorus of "A permanent reminder of a temporary feeling," that sums up the in-the-moment stupidity that will likely lead to this kid spending a year of his life behind bars for being a drunk dumbass.

Rule #283 is Don't Throw Dogs into Ravines

#282 Uhh, Don't Go for a Walk in Passaic, New Jersey?

New Jersey police officer pounds man on tape for, apparently, doing nothing but going for a walk in his neighborhood.

The cop apparently just jumped out of the car, never said a word to him (his partner had spoken to him) and just laid into him with his fists and baton. Then they threw him in a jail cell for the night and neglected to treat his injuries which included a torn cornea.

All because he went for a walk. Which is, of course, pretty fucked up. I guess I'll be crossing Passaic, New Jersey off my potential vacation destinations (oh wait, it was never on it to begin with). And, oh yeah, Officer Joseph R. Rios III? You're doing a fine job of upholding the law by beating an unarmed man with your baton. You should be fired at the very least and possibly prosecuted for wanton brutality.

Rule #282 is Uhh, Don't Go for a Walk in Passaic, New Jersey?