#451 Don't Sue Your Then 8 Year Old Nephew

Suing her nephew who also lost his mom.

New York woman sues 12-year-old nephew over hug that broke her wrist for $127,000 because its made it difficult for her to hold on to her hors d'oevre plate at parties she attends.

Jennifer Connell, a human resources manager who has no experience with humans, apparently, is suing her nephew for his over-exuberant greeting at his 8th birthday. Her nephew has, by the way, in the intervening years (he's now 12) lost his mother, his aunt's sister, and the bitch aunt is suing the boy directly.

I get that her life has been negatively affected by an incident for which she feels 100% victimized. But she's suing her dead sister's young child and there's just no way to justify that.

Here's the thing about life, shit happens and that doesn't mean you get to sue everyone. It is appalling that the woman is suing her own nephew over an accident and worse that she's doing in the shadow of the death of this child's mother. Seriously, way to kick a kid when he's already so far down he may never recover. Way to fucking go, Jennifer Connell, you're a piece of shit and a terrible aunt.

Rule #451 is Don't Sue Your Then 8 Year Old Nephew

#450 Don't Shoot at Suspected Shoplifters, Citizen, Or Wait, What? Do Shoot and Don't Get Charged? WTF?

Uhh, okay, this one is crazy. In Auburn Hills, Michigan, a woman with a concealed carry permit decided to help out Home Depot in the attempted apprehension (via shooting death, apparently) of two suspected shoplifters. And her manner of helping wasn't to run them down, oh no.

This guy's at least a "trained" peace officer...

Her style of helping was to pull her concealed carry firearm and pop off a few rounds at the fleeing suspects. No idea if she hit them or their vehicle but who cares, PEW PEW PEW, 'MURICA, FUCK YEAH!

Home Depot customer opens fire on shoplifters in Metro Detroit

The days for reasonable discussion over the totally out of control gun nuts in America are over. Its time for the adults who can look at the problem rationally to shut the NRA up and out of the talks. They represent the gun manufacturing lobby (enjoying its more record profits ever while their products are used to murder Americans at a higher rate than ever, whee, free markets at work, baby!).

Can we please stop talking about talking about gun control and actually do something? Yeah, don't look to any of the GOP clowns in the candidate race, they can't afford to upset the gun humpers. GOP Candidates' Positions On Guns Unchanged After Oregon Shooting

The fact that the woman in the shoplifting suspect shooting has not been charged is astonishing to me. At the very least she should be charged with negligent discharge of a firearm, she's not a sworn law officer, she has NO training to apprehend criminal suspects and could have very easily struck a bystander with her wild firing.

Unless this woman is charged, the precedent for vigilante gun crime justice has been set and we can expect more and more of these stories along with tragic collateral damage (like the 4 year old girl and 33 year old man killed locally last week during a gang shoot out).

Rule #450 is Don't Shoot at Suspected Shoplifters, Citizen, Or Wait, What? Do Shoot and Don't Get Charged? WTF?

#449 Loaded Guns are NOT Photo Props

Houston teen kills himself while taking a selfie with a gun and that should be all you really need to know. But let's break it down anyway.

1. Treating a loaded and deadly weapon like a photo prop? Check.
2. Keep finger on trigger for authentic "gangsta gangsta" photo? Check.
3. Accidentally shoot self in throat and die? Check.

There is no 4. Profit. because 19 year old Deleon Alonso Smith is dead by his own selfie snapping dumbass hand. And, unlike in Halo and Call of Duty, there is no reset button in real life.

Some takeaways:
* Treat guns like the deadly weapons they are. Even a .22 pop gun can kill, though there is no mention of the caliber of the weapon in this story.
* Exercise trigger discipline and keep your finger off of it until you are ready to fire.
* Do not ever, ever, EVER point a gun, loaded or not, at anything you don't want a hole in, that includes oneself.

The only good part of this story is that he didn't accidentally kill his little brother or sister, only himself.

Rule #449 is Loaded Guns are NOT Photo Props

#448 People Who Care About You Don't Counsel You On How To Commit Suicide

‘It’s now or never': Texts reveal teen’s efforts to pressure boyfriend into suicide, these texts pressured him for over a week before he was able to successfully kill himself. The girl, Michelle Carter, encouraged her boyfriend and tried to allay his fears through texts.

One gem from the article, “You’re finally going to be happy in heaven. No more pain,” she told him in one message. “It’s okay to be scared and it’s normal. I mean, you’re about to die.”

And reading the article, she comes across as a really unpleasant and manipulative and naggy girlfriend. And admits that she could have saved him as he was texting her while committing suicide and she did not thing.

Michelle Carter is a cold blooded user and she used this kid's feelings for her as a means to control him and eventually get him to kill himself for her so she could use it as a means to get more people to pay attention to her by exploiting the tragedy of her boyfriend's suicide.

This is the very worst that our fame at all costs society generates, people who see everything and everyone else as a means to their own advancement rather than, as Emmanuel Kant dictated, as an end unto themselves.

Caveat: There are definitely scenarios where loved ones can and possibly should counsel on end of life options but this was a 19 year old healthy male, he was not remotely close to end of life issues except by his poor choice of female companion.

Rule #448 is People Who Care About You Don't Counsel You On How To Commit Suicide

#447 Do Not Chase Children with a Baseball Bat Threatening to Hang Them

Lisa Marie Elberson is an angry, violent racist bitch.

Cops: Woman arrested after chasing kids with baseball bat, screaming racial slurs

This is one of those rules that seems like it shouldn't need to be written out so explicitly but leave it to good ol' Florida Woman to prove me wrong.

Lisa Marie Elberson took umbrage (though I'm pretty sure she doesn't know what the word means) when a group of teenage boys got into a beef with her husband near their house. When they came by again, and said something, the "lovely" Mrs Elberson grabbed a bat and chased them while screaming racist epithets.

"One of the teens recorded the incident and showed it to authorities. At one point in the video, she stated to a teen "I hang your family from my tree" and used a racial slur, the incident report said."

Of course, there are comments on the story that excuse her vile behavior, there are always going to be assholes making apologies for other assholes. It is one way to figure out who the assholes are.

Elberson faces charges of aggravated assault with a deadly weapon, child abuse and simple battery. She is being held in Lake County Jail on $5,000 bond.

Rule #447 is Not Chase Children with a Baseball Bat Threatening to Hang Them

#446 Don't Attempt To Goldplate Your Nuts or People Will Think You're Nuts

L.A. Gang Member Gold Plate’s Own Genitals To Death because really, who could refuse a guy with gold-plated balls?

Guessing the multiple facial tattoos and that sweet COMPTON where his mustache might go are strong indicators of this guy's utter lack of intellect.

Rather tellingly, this is the third case in recent years of idiots offing themselves while trying to gold plate their nut sacks. The doctor on the story notes that gold plating's one's balls is a medical impossibility. But don't let that stop the morons, nope!

Rule #446 is Don't Attempt To Goldplate Your Nuts or People Will Think You're Nuts

Update: Apparently nobody is this stupid. Snopes says the story is false.

#445 No Humping Stuffed Animals in the Store!

(Stuffed) Horsefucker Sean Johnson

Sean Johnson had a need, apparently, to get his rocks off at the local Walmart but humping a stuffed animal, a brown, tan and red stuffed horse he "selected" from the clearance bin.

He took his "date" to the comforter aisle, pulled out his junk and went to town. All on internal security cam, of course.

So yes, somewhere out there is video of this loser humping a stuffed animal in the store.

After Johnson “achieved an orgasm and ejaculated on the stuffed horse’s chest area,” he placed the “soiled stuffed horse on top of a bed in a bag (comforter set) contaminating that property also.”

Floridian, 19, Arrested For Lewd Act With Stuffed Animal Inside Walmart Store

To allege that Mr. Johnson isn't the smartest kid running around with a boner would be an understatement. I hope and expect that he'll have to register as a sex offender for the rest of his inanimate object humping days.

Rule #445 is No Humping Stuffed Animals in the Store!

#444 Making Natural Human Reactions Against the Rules is Assholish At Best and Likely Racist

If you happen to be planning to attend a high school graduation in the WTF backwater called Senatobia, Mississippi then you had BETTER not plan on cheering.

Because, if you do, you'll be kicked out and then they might even figure out some way to get the local police department to issue an arrest warrant for said cheering in flagrant disregard for the assholish rules against it.

Warrants issued for people who cheered at Senatobia graduation in which the aunt of a graduating senior was unable to contain herself and shouted her niece's name as she crossed the stage to get her diploma. She was kicked out of the graduation ceremony and then, a couple of weeks later, got papers threatening her with jail for "Disturbing the Peace" at a high school graduation ceremony by shouting one word.

This is really nothing but school administrators being assholes and I'm going out on a limb and saying there's a deeply racist element going on here too. No idea if SuperNintendo Foster is a white man but I'm going to assume he is or he's been in the system long enough to be "whited" into administrative dickbaggery like this.

This is the same mentality of forcing kids who cannot pay a $10 fee to attend the school's carnival to sit in a darkened auditorium and LISTEN to their classmates have fun. Don't believe that happened? You'd be sadly wrong.

Rule #444 is Making Natural Human Reactions Against the Rules is Assholish At Best and Likely Racist

#443 This Is What a Police State Looks Like or Ankle Shackles for Unexcused School Absences?

If I told you that you could be arrested, handcuffed and ankle shackled, and then thrown in jail for your child's unexcused school absences, then you might question what country we're in or what planet we've landed on.

But this is in the USA (the supposed land of the free) in the southern idiot state of Georgia and this really happened. More than once.

The mother, Julie Scott Giles, was forced to turn herself into the police where she was arrested, handcuffed, locked into ankle shackles and jailed over school absences. SCHOOL ABSENCES. Note, this is not a juvenile delinquent kid, according to his mom he gets A's and B's.

Screven County Schools Superintendent William Bland believes it is SOOOO important for kids to be in school (and qualifying his district for federal support money, I'm SURE!) that he is working with the police to FORCE parents to get their kids to school or face jail time.

Yeah, I would be changing districts rapidly but then, I'd never settle down in the idiot south in the first place. From Texas east to Florida is part of the United States that no longer feels like any part of the country I grew up in and love.

I'll note a caveat or two. One, she says 3 unexcused absences but the school says a total of 12, six excused and six unexcused (she says her son forgot to turn in excuses for 3 of the absences). Regardless of the actual numbers, the reality is that there is no reason or rationale that makes it sensible to shackle a mother for her child's school absences.

Rule #443 is This Is What a Police State Looks Like or Ankle Shackles for Unexcused School Absences?

#442 Shooting At Someone For Not Doing Enough Chores Is Going To End Badly

Let's lay the scene out. A man has been recently discharged from the hospital because of a hepatitis infection (no mention of the type). His wife is tired of having to carry the whole load and wants him to help out more. He tries but is still recovering from a serious illness. His wife gets tired of his "bullshit" and throws a glass vase at him, misses, makes a mess, a BBQ gets shoved over a few times and then she runs and gets her gun.

And, by that time she was too worked up to not take a shot.

"Police spoke to Roth and she admitted that she “blew up” at her husband, and that her anger was “too far gone to resist” using the gun. She said that she “wanted him to pay.”
Court documents said that Roth “doesn’t think she did anything wrong and she was well within her rights because of how (her husband) was reacting and she was so pissed off.”

Not just within her rights, Well Within Her Rights! That's right, she felt perfectly justified in using lethal force against her recovering husband because her anger was to such a degree that it was alright. Which is, of course, to say, crazy people should NOT be allowed to possess firearms and anyone stupid enough to justify attempted murder over lack of help with chores is clearly too stupid/reactionary to own a weapon.

So, what's happened since? Starlene Roth, the angry shooter wife, has been arrested and charged with attempted second degree murder and is being held on $250,000 bail. Here's a guess that maybe she now wishes she'd been a little more forgiving to her husband as he recovered from his illness, she's got years and years to think about that one.

Rule #442 is Shooting At Someone For Not Doing Enough Chores Is Going To End Badly