#356 Don't Pass Out Drunk at a Bus Stop with Stolen Loot Arrayed Around You

Man arrested with stolen liquor, restaurant knives in Santa Cruz after Christopher Holmes had been found passed out at a bus stop at 10 in the morning (solid!) with expensive bottles of liquor, restaurant knives and other equipment around him.
Part of me thinks this was probably a "victimless" crime so dude could go back to jail where he gets three meals and a warm place to sleep every night.

But props for being passed out drunk at 10 in the morning, that's impressive in a sad sort of way especially since he's 47.

Today's rule is going to be a hard one for most of you to avoid repeating but try, try really hard.

Rule #356 is Don't Pass Out Drunk at a Bus Stop with Stolen Loot Arrayed Around You

#330 Stow Your Smarmy Grin While Getting Your Mugshot Taken

Proud Panty Thief

Live Oak man arrested for stealing women's underwear, bras

And for having the smuggest ever mugshot for being a sexually deviant thief with a panty fetish.

Seriously, dude, you were arrested for stealing women's underwear and bras, why not wipe that "I jacked off in those panties" grin off your face and realize that some dude is gonna rape your stupid ass in prison.

Anyway, Conrad Smith, you are today's lucky winner of a stay in the pokey where your little fetish is going to result in your corny being plumbed. I hope it was worth it.

And the next time you need some wank fodder, why not just go and buy some panties at the mall and save yourself the trouble of being labeled as a sexually deviant dumbass?

On a related note, we now know who was buying all those used panties off Ebay.

Rule #330 is Stow Your Smarmy Grin While Getting Your Mugshot Taken
Rule #330a is Don't Steal Women's Underwear

#224 Try To Let Greed and Stupidity Consume You

Ex-health care CEO convicted in $1.9B fraud case. The charges allege he completely and totally cooked the books to hide his activities from stockholders and investors.

Which is to say, he's just a thief with access to big money. Or had access. The worst part about scumbags like this is that they don't go to regular poor man's prison, they go white collar prisons where they don't suffer anywhere near enough.

I hate crooked executives who steal millions and billions of dollars without a thought to the people they are stealing it from. People like you and me. And that sucks.

Rule #224 is Try To Let Greed and Stupidity Consume You

#177 Keep Your Clothes on While Thieving

Woman mistook naked thief for husband

This story seems too bizarre to be true. A thief was stealing stuff from a house while the family was asleep. He noticed that the husband was sleeping on the couch and figured he'd add a little nookie to his theft for the night. So he took off his clothes and got into bed with the woman of the house.

She woke up when his voice was not the voice of her husband's, went into the living room and saw her sleeping husband and then started screaming.

Hard to believe but the naked thief got away with the loot he'd stolen and his big brass balls clanging like gongs while he ran (no, not really on the brass balls part). The hutzpah displayed is astonishing and he's lucky he didn't get beaten into a nasty puddle of goo.

Rule #177 is Keep Your Clothes on While Thieving