#444 Making Natural Human Reactions Against the Rules is Assholish At Best and Likely Racist

If you happen to be planning to attend a high school graduation in the WTF backwater called Senatobia, Mississippi then you had BETTER not plan on cheering.

Because, if you do, you'll be kicked out and then they might even figure out some way to get the local police department to issue an arrest warrant for said cheering in flagrant disregard for the assholish rules against it.

Warrants issued for people who cheered at Senatobia graduation in which the aunt of a graduating senior was unable to contain herself and shouted her niece's name as she crossed the stage to get her diploma. She was kicked out of the graduation ceremony and then, a couple of weeks later, got papers threatening her with jail for "Disturbing the Peace" at a high school graduation ceremony by shouting one word.

This is really nothing but school administrators being assholes and I'm going out on a limb and saying there's a deeply racist element going on here too. No idea if SuperNintendo Foster is a white man but I'm going to assume he is or he's been in the system long enough to be "whited" into administrative dickbaggery like this.

This is the same mentality of forcing kids who cannot pay a $10 fee to attend the school's carnival to sit in a darkened auditorium and LISTEN to their classmates have fun. Don't believe that happened? You'd be sadly wrong.

Rule #444 is Making Natural Human Reactions Against the Rules is Assholish At Best and Likely Racist

Rule #52 Don't Go Out Looking Like This

Tori, you're 9 months pregnant with a baby, that doesn't mean you should wear babydoll dresses out. In fact, it expressly means you should not. Damn, there is just so much wrong with this picture that's hard to take it all in.

From the husband pulling her along or trying to escape, to the dress that needs another four inches of material to that pink tie to Tori's mask of nasty. To the blurb copy about this bubblehead opening an inn named after her father's dog, bleh.

Rule #52 is Don't Go Out Looking Like This.

Rule #46 Don't Try to Mug a Marine

Angry tourists break mugger's neck.

A group of U.S. tourists, including a former Marine, killed a Costa Rican mugger by breaking his neck after he pulled a gun on them in a Caribbean port, a local police official said on Thursday.

Bad idea trying to mug a Marine.

Rule #46 is Don't Try to Mug a Marine

Rule #43 Don't Prey on Homeless People

Homeless woman's horrible death / She was doused with gas and set on fire after she told police who had robbed her -- 2 women held

This is a disgusting and horrific crime committed as retaliation for reporting an early crime. The two women being held, assuming they are found guilty, should never be allowed on public streets again. They have nothing of value to bring to society, only pain, hatred and death.

Rule #43 is Don't Prey on Homeless People.

Rule #42 Keep Your Hate To Yourself

Tim Hardaway: 'I Hate Gay People'

Good for you, Tim. You went from a second string basketball player to a first class asshole in one sentence. Here's a hint, dude, when you are being baited by sportsradio hosts, don't take the bait. Don't disclose that you hate a group of people.

This rule could have easily been a redux of the previous one of Just Shut Up but I think it's a better rule to keep your hate inside you where only you know what kind of an asshole you really are.

Rule #42 is Keep Your Hate to Yourself.

Rule #37 Do Not Scapegoat Innocent People

Teacher convicted in porn case in which she is accused of surfing porn on a computer in a classroom. The reality is that the computer hadn't had its security software updated in YEARS and was ridden with malware, spyware and pop-up garbage.

Julie Amero is being scapegoated because the school didn't do its job in keeping the machines safe. She should have turned off the monitor or tossed a jacket over the screen but she's a self-admitted computer noob and she probably started freaking out.

Her conviction should be overturned and the school should be held for exposing the kids to pron by not keeping their machines properly patched and clean of spyware.

Rule #37 is Do Not Scapegoat Innocent People.

[Update: The Register in the UK does a really good job of exploring all the nuances here and I learned quite a bit more about Ms. Amero. I did not know that she surfed the web all day long when she should have been teaching. I didn't know she reported it to the assistant principal who told her not to worry about it. She was a bad substitute teacher but that doesn't mean she deserves 40 years behind bars for being a bad sub.]

Rule #35 Do Not Leave Your Kids in a Car in Winter to Go Tanning

Mom allegedly leaves kids in car to tan.

Lady, I know that kids are alot of work, believe me, I know this very well. But I also know that absolutely no good can come of your actions, leaving your two small children in your car in the middle of the winter so you can go get a tanning session is the height of negligence.

Don't worry though, you shouldn't have the burden of having to raise your kids anymore, that'll be the state's job now so you can go and crisp your dumbass as much as you like.

Rule #35 is Do Not Leave Your Kids in a Car in Winter to Go Tanning.

Rule #33 Do Not Use Your Partner for a Punching Bag

Victim works to halt teen dating violence / Girl shares her story to raise awareness of little-known issue

Young men growing up today, this post is for you. Are you an angry man? Do you feel like life just keeps kicking you in the balls and keeping you down?

I don't care. I don't care in the least that you feel like life owes you something. I do, however, care that a lot of young men think its okay to hit, smack, slap or otherwise impose their physical dominance over the girls and women in their lives. If you have to raise your hand and threaten violence then you have already lost.

If you must engage in some violent sports then join a martial arts gym and start sparring with someone who can defend themself. People who hit women they purport to love are the worst and most despicable kind of hypocrits there are.

Rule #33 is Do Not Use Your Girlfriend or Wife for a Punching Bag.

Rule #32 Don't Make Your Future Customers Into Criminals Now

Russian Schools Figure Linux Is Less Likely To Send Them To Siberia; Look To Ditch Windows.

This is yet another example in a never-ending series of bad ideas by Microsoft. Sure, they have to protect their brand for as long as they can. But they could have stepped up and given copies to the schools and scored not only a major PR win but they'd also win those kids for life. They would grow up using Windows and would want to use it in the future.

As it is, MS lost mindshare, lost even more credibility and just ends up looking like a big, stupid bully.

Rule #32 is Don't Make Your Future Customers Into Criminals.

Rule #30 Use Your Friggin' Brain

Astronaut appears in court after arrest in romantic feud

Lisa Nowak is today's cautionary tale of woe. I love the name, by the way, Nowak, no whack. Well maybe not.

This astronaut wore adult diapers so she could drive straight through to confront and attempt to kidnap the third leg of the love triangle she was engaged in.

This is a mother of three and an astronaut, mind you. Not a dim bulb by any stretch. But what she did ranks right up there with idiotic acts undertaken by people lost in the throes of their insanity and obsession for guys with dreamy eyes or something, maybe its creamy thighs.

I just can't see how she thought any step in this long and convoluted stupid train was a good idea. Not the diapers, not the long drive, not the disguise, not the pepper spray, not the knife, none of it. But at least her photo matches the story, she looks haggard and more than a little crazy.

And to her eternal embarrassment, diapers, that image of her driving like a possessed woman from Houston wearing diapers. Not the wig, not the pepper spray or rubber hose or knife. Diapers. Let Lisa Marie Nowak and diapers and astronaut be henceforth forever known! Hahahaha.

Rule #30 is Think At Least Twice Before You Toss Your Life Into the Shredder and Try to Kidnap Someone, It Will Not End Well

Rule #29 Do NOT Use a Stun Gun on Your Baby!

Dad Accused of Using Stun Gun on Baby

Rian Whittman, you are today's asshole parent of the day, for using a 100,000 volt stun gun on your 18 month old baby boy.

My street punishment for your abuse is to dunk you in a tub of water and then apply your stun gun to your nuts until you die.

Rule #29 is You Do NOT Use a Stun Gun on a Baby or wife or kids or dogs or anyone, except maybe yourself.

Rule #27 Don't Fondle Your Students

Acclaimed geneticist sentenced for molesting employee's daughter.

Come on now, do we really need a rule for this one?

Don't inappropriately touch your students. Its not worth it and you will have a really unpleasant time in prison when you do get caught.

Rule #27 is Don't Fondle Your Students.

Rule #24 Don't Act Like You Have The Power When Everyone Knows You Do Not

Specter: Bush Not Sole 'Decision-Maker'

Bush keeps acting like there continue to be no checks or balances on his madcap hilarity spending. However, the voters gave the Democrats power again to control Bush but someone forgot to tell him.

Rule #24 is Don't Act Like You Have the Power When You Do Not.

Rule #20 Do Not Wax Your Willy at Public Urinals

CDC Adviser Arrested for Urinal Incident

Filed under D for Duh or Dumbass, take your pick.

I don't know whether to be impressed or repulsed by him being 67 and jacking off in a public bathroom.

Rule #20 is the George Michael Rule: Do Not Jack Off in Public Bathrooms, Duh.

Rule #18 Too Much Anything Can Kill You

We humans are a pretty fragile species, too little air and we die. Too much air and we die. Too little water and we die. Too Much Water and we die. Check that, too much water without relieving oneself and we die.

Or should that be, Too Much Water and Wii Die? The link above is to a story about a woman who took part in a contest to win a Nintendo Wii game system. The idea was to drink a bunch of water and then not go to the bathroom. The last one standing wins the Wii.

However, it is entirely possible to drink too much water and to get sick and to even die. All for a $300 game console. How depressing.

Rule #18 is Too Much Water Can Kill You, Too Much Anything Can Kill You.

Rule #17 Eating Wild Mushrooms Can Kill You

Aptos woman dies after 10-day battle with toxic mushrooms

"It's not uncommon for foreigners to pick mushrooms in California that look like safe ones in their own countries but are really toxic, said toxicologist Beth Manning of the California Poison Control System in San Francisco.

'They think they know what they're picking,' Manning said."

Eating wild mushrooms can kill you. Unless you know exactly what you are doing, don't eat wild mushrooms. And maybe even if you do know exactly what you are doing you'd still be better off not eating wild mushshrooms. The upsides are pretty minimal compared with the downsides.

Rest in Peace, Epifania Miranda.

Rule #17 is Don't Eat Wild Mushrooms, They May Taste Great But They Can Also Kill You

Rule #16 Lose Some Weight Before Breaking in Via the Cooling Vent

Intruder Suffocates in Cooling Vent

The man in this Darwin Award finalist episode was 6 feet tall and 280 pounds. He died of positional asphyxiation, that is, he ended up head down, wedged in and couldn't expand his chest to breath.

The store he was breaking into was a craft store. I'm not quite sure what "loot" he was after but now he'll be forever immortalized as the idiot who died because he was too big to fit in a cooling vent.

Rule #16 is Lose Some Weight Before Breaking into a Store via the Cooling Vent.

Rule #15 Don't Pimp To Make Bail from Jail

From the Santa Cruz Sentinel's Cops and Courts - - - January 11, 2007

Andre William Furtado, a 19-year-old Watsonville man accused of pimping out young women and, more recently, urging one teen to prostitute herself to raise his bail money, will be back in court next week after a Santa Cruz Count Superior Court judge ruled there was enough evidence for a trial, prosecutor Ross Taylor said.

That's right, he wanted one of his girls to work the street to get his bail money together. Funny how the judge found enough evidence to go to trial.

The guy doesn't seem like the brightest bulb in the bunch though since he wrote letters instructing the woman to go out and hook for his bail money. Nothing like a paper trail from a prison to make it easy on the cops.

Rule #15 is Don't Send Letters Urging Someone to Hook for Your Bail, Especially If You Know Your Letters are Being Read by the Authorities. Duh!

Rule #14 Turn Off Your Damned Highbeams!

When you're on the highway and you're behind another car, don't be an asshole. Turn your high beams down. When you are driving around town and you have your high beams on, people don't think you're cool, they think you're a colossally self-absorbed asshole. And, even if that's your intent, turn down your high beams anyway, the world's got plenty of other ways to show that you're an asshole.

People who drive around with their high beams on all the time should be smacked in the face, hard. And then they should have their headlights smashed.

And if you drive a truck or car that's been lifted so that your low beams are, effectively, high beams then don't be surprised when you get the finger all the time.

Rule #14 is Don't Drive Around With Your Highbeams on All the Time.

#13 Don't Play Like You Are Smarter Than The Police

Pa. Professor Charged in Wife's Slaying

Ivy League professor Rafael Robb was an expert in game theory, a complex melding of psychology, human behavior and economics — all aimed at determining what one's adversary will do next.

With that background, police say, Robb may have thought he could outsmart them.

Life is not CSI, life is not going to get neatly wrapped up in a one hour episode with breaks for commercial endorsements.

And, if you think you're really smarter than the cops then don't bludgeon your wife beyond recognition because that absolutely screams "PAYBACK CRIME".

Rule #13 is You Are Not Smarter Than The Police.