#400 Just Keep Your Dumb, Drunk and Over-Armed Ass At Home

Here's a thought. If you're going to drive around with unregistered illegal guns and an assortment of other weaponry in your car in addition to not one but two open alcohol containers (a beer and a gallon of rum, mmm, rum by the gallon screams deliciousness to me) then perhaps you want maybe not drive drunk.

Or not bring your arsenal with you out while drinking and driving. But this is pretty much exactly what Eileen Holland of Watsonville decided was a great idea. She got pulled over 3:30 in the morning for driving erratically and her bad morning got much worse quickly.

Cops Find Guns, Tear Gas, Open Bottles, etc. in Watsonville Woman's Car

I'm sure she had her reasons for being out driving drunk and armed to the teeth but I'm also pretty sure her reasons all suck and she's a danger to society as well as herself. Just stay home if you want to get all wasted and walk around your house with your weapons strapped to your body so you can pretend you're a badass. Just stay off the damned roads with your dumbass drunk self.

Rule #400 is Just Keep Your Dumb, Drunk and Over-Armed Ass At Home

#337 Respect Even the Pocket Bike

Teens on pocket motorcycle injured in suspected DUI crash - Santa Cruz Sentinel

For those aren't aware of what a pocket bike is, its a tiny gas-powered motorcycle sized for a five year old. Some grown ups have figured out how to ride them with their knees going way out to the sides. I've even seen a racing league on Recreation Nation.

They are toys but they are also toys that can get you going fast enough to get you into real trouble. And two teens, who'd been drinking, riding one in traffic is a recipe for pain.

Keep in mind that these bikes are small enough to be completely below your line of sight from behind the wheel of a car. These teens were being incredibly reckless (and ironically wrecked) and the combination of alcohol on the driver's part did not help. Apparently, DUI is almost like a hobby for some people.

The end result of this sad little episode is that two teen boys got seriously busted up, neither was wearing a helmet and both had to get helicopted to hospitals over the hill.

Rule #337 is Respect Even the Pocket Bike or Your Head Is Not as Hard as the Ground or a Car's Bumper

#329 Do NOT Party On

Not the Father of the Year

Parents' day at the beach involved a lot of beer: "James Arthur Lee, 54, and his wife, Wendy Maureen Lee, 47, went on a bender Jan. 22 after bringing their children, ages 2 through 8, to the beach at Half Moon Bay, said San Mateo County District Attorney Steve Wagstaffe."

The article goes on to say that James Arthur Lee was driving with a whopping .25% BAC, more than three times the legal limit which means he was completely tossed. His wife blew a .24%. These two idiots stopped twice on the way home to drink more beer too while their four kids sat in the back and were deeply ashamed and probably scared of the spectacle of their drunk parents.

Now I'm not going to sit here and say that your life is over when you have kids. It is actually just beginning in many ways but your hard partying, drunk driving and acting like a teenaged moron should be behind you by the time you get to 50 at the very least. I feel bad for these kids who have had to be removed from their parent's "care" while each of them serves jail time for their ridiculous stupidity.

There comes a time when you sack up, sober up and realize that there are more important things in your life than getting drunk, like keeping your kids safe and trying to drive on the roads when you're literally shitfaced.

Or, if you must get fall down stupid ass drunk then have the forethought to not do it front of your kids and, absolutely for damned sure, don't get behind the wheel. This story could have easily ended with all six of them dead, I wonder if that reality has settled in on James Arther Lee yet. He's lucky he didn't kill his entire family and merely got arrested.

Rule #329 is Do NOT Party On

#289 Sober Up After You Get a DWI

Utica woman arrested for DWI twice in a night, five hours after getting busted for drunk driving and drug possession, Talitha Gorea was busted once again for drunk driving.

Which is to say, she has a problem with alcohol, drugs and an inability to understand why laws are in place. They aren't to punish people they are to protect other people from your incredible stupidity and selfishness.

Seriously, before you go and get back in the car after getting a DWI (or DUI out here in California) you should probably take a good long nap, sober up, get something to eat and give some serious thought to just what the fuck you are doing with your life.

Rule #289 is Sober Up After You Get a DWI

#202 Just Go Overdose Already

Shia LaBeouf Recovering from Hand Surgery After Crash and by recovering they mean arrested for driving drunk and being an enormous fucktard tool.

I make no apologies for how much I dislike this talentless douchebag. I'm glad the only person he hurt while driving drunk was himself, I only wish he'd hurt himself some more and, yes, I'm aware that that sentiment probably makes me a jerk.

Rule #202 is Just Go Overdoes Already