#434 Drunken Booty Calls Are NEVER A Good Idea

True Hatch needed some booty and nothing was gonna stop him!

We've all been there, drunk, lonely, wandering around your old girlfriend's neighborhood at 4:30 in the morning and decide to drop in for a little hoochie coochie.

Drunken man wanders into wrong home; Shot by homeowner

And then things go wrong when you (you being 24 year old True Hatch) decide that not her house is her house and proceed to start pounding on the glass patio door (remember, this is at 4:30 am). All the not-your-ex-girlfriends in the house wake up, assemble and try to tell the guy to stop. He does not, he proceeds to smash his way through the glass door and then the homeowner shoots him.

No booty and, probably, a fair bit of pain from a bullet. That is going to be one painful hangover.

Drunken booty calls are a bad idea under the best of circumstances but this one was well beyond the curve from stupid to straight up moronic.

Rule #434 is Drunken Booty Calls Are NEVER A Good Idea

#418 Don't Do Naked Pushups in the Middle of the Road

Use the buddy system for safer street pushups!

 I'm sure many things seem like a great idea but dropping trou and running into the street to do some naked pushups at 4 in the morning isn't one of them.

Man doing naked pushups in Portland street hit, killed by passing car

A life ends in three parts,  a call to the police about a naked man running in traffic, another call about a naked man doing pushups in traffic and then a third call that the naked man doing pushups in traffic had been hit and killed by a third car.

Rule #418 is Don't Do Naked Pushups in the Middle of the Road

#413 Do You WANT To Be a Darwin Award Hall of Famer?

Drunk Texan kills himself while playing with gun in a parking showing off. This now even more empty headed idiot put his revolver to his head and pulled the trigger four times. He did it one more and that's where the bullet was that killed him.

How many people have died this year from gunshot wounds of guns they were sure were empty? How many more have been injured and need medical treatment? How many needed medical treatment and didn't get it because they knew they'd get charged with a crime for being such negligent dipshits with deadly weapons.

As it is, I'm glad this moron's moronic DNA is out of the gene pool. I hope he removed himself from the gene pool before he could pollute it with his stupidity.

Rule #413 is Do You WANT To Be a Darwin Award Hall of Famer?

#366 There Is Such a Thing as Too Drunk

Inebriated cyclist knocks down pregnant pedestrian, police say
Aaron Shaffer was riding his bike on the sidewalk, fast, and drunk, really, really, really shitfaced drunk (he tested at more than four times the legal limit) when a pregnant woman came out of a store he was going by too fast. He smashed into her, knocked her down and out cold so that she had to go to the hospital.

Onlookers estimate that Aaron was going near 20 mph when he collided with the woman. On a sidewalk. Too drunk to stand up. Way to go, asshole!

If the lady loses her baby then I'd hope and expect Aaron Shaffer gets charged with involuntary manslaughter. Anything to keep the criminally idiotic alcoholics off the sidewalks.

Rule #366 is There Is Such a Thing as Too Drunk

#356 Don't Pass Out Drunk at a Bus Stop with Stolen Loot Arrayed Around You

Man arrested with stolen liquor, restaurant knives in Santa Cruz after Christopher Holmes had been found passed out at a bus stop at 10 in the morning (solid!) with expensive bottles of liquor, restaurant knives and other equipment around him.
Part of me thinks this was probably a "victimless" crime so dude could go back to jail where he gets three meals and a warm place to sleep every night.

But props for being passed out drunk at 10 in the morning, that's impressive in a sad sort of way especially since he's 47.

Today's rule is going to be a hard one for most of you to avoid repeating but try, try really hard.

Rule #356 is Don't Pass Out Drunk at a Bus Stop with Stolen Loot Arrayed Around You