#447 Do Not Chase Children with a Baseball Bat Threatening to Hang Them

Lisa Marie Elberson is an angry, violent racist bitch.

Cops: Woman arrested after chasing kids with baseball bat, screaming racial slurs

This is one of those rules that seems like it shouldn't need to be written out so explicitly but leave it to good ol' Florida Woman to prove me wrong.

Lisa Marie Elberson took umbrage (though I'm pretty sure she doesn't know what the word means) when a group of teenage boys got into a beef with her husband near their house. When they came by again, and said something, the "lovely" Mrs Elberson grabbed a bat and chased them while screaming racist epithets.

"One of the teens recorded the incident and showed it to authorities. At one point in the video, she stated to a teen "I hang your family from my tree" and used a racial slur, the incident report said."

Of course, there are comments on the story that excuse her vile behavior, there are always going to be assholes making apologies for other assholes. It is one way to figure out who the assholes are.

Elberson faces charges of aggravated assault with a deadly weapon, child abuse and simple battery. She is being held in Lake County Jail on $5,000 bond.

Rule #447 is Not Chase Children with a Baseball Bat Threatening to Hang Them

#420 Assault With a Marijuana Plant is Just Silly

Yep, that's a weed assaulter's smirk.

Deputies say Lakeland man attacked his brother with marijuana plants

Among all of the superheroes I know of in the world today, Florida Man is the most bizarre. Florida Man does all kinds of crazy shit and I'm not quite sure how it relates to fighting crime but one thing I do know is that there is no stopping Florida Man!

Two brothers were arguing in their yard, it got physical and Rodney grabbed the nearest thing he could and used it to beat his brother. Nearest thing he could lay hands on? Pot plants. He yanked them up and used them to hit his brother.

I'm guessing his pillow was too far away.

Of course, when the cops came, they realized what idiots these guys are, searched the house and found drug paraphernalia and hauled Rodney off to the pokey for an overnight and more.

Here's a thought, if you don't live in a state where growing marijuana is legal then maybe consider not drawing attention to your cultivation, eh?

Rule #420 is Assault With a Marijuana Plant is Just Silly

#302 Don't Kick Someone in the Face with Stilettos On

Doorman blinded by stiletto heel though stabbing is misleading here. She kicked him in the face after he'd been pushed to the ground and stomped him in the eye with her stiletto heel.

The injured man was a bouncer at a bar and was kicking Sarah Marsden, the attacker, out. The doorman/bouncer got spit in his face by Marsden and, when he was shoved to the ground, she took advantage of the situation to blind him permanently with her stiletoo heel. There is simply no way this cannot be seen as a vicious and violent assault.

I hope he does recover and I hope the law prosecutes this woman and finds her guilty of the violent assault this clearly was.

Rule #302 is Don't Kick Someone in the Face with Stilettos On

#258 Let Go of Your Rage

Driver's Ed -

Joshua Shawn Beaver says two boys riding a school bus "flipped him off," so he followed the bus to East Bank Middle School in Charleston, West Virginia. He asked the bus driver if he could come on board and identify the boy. The bus driver let him on, and Beaver allegedly "smacked" a 14-year-old boy. Beaver has been charged with felony assault of a child near a school. School officials said the driver should not have let Beaver on the bus.

So, rather than just letting it slide, Joshua Shawn Beaver is very likely going to spend some time in prison for assaulting a kid with added time because it was near a school. I'm sure he thought he was going to teach that kid a lesson about giving him the finger or something but, in reality, the lesson will be given to Joshua Shawn Beaver in the form of jail time for being a dumbass.

Rule #258 is Let Go of Your Rage

#249 Think Before You Attack with a Bat

Wash. mother gets 3 months for attacking sex felon with a baseball bat. She thought he'd molested her girls but he had not and she attacked him with an aluminum baseball bat.

While I can relate to the protection instinct, this was the wrong way to deal with it and she's lucky she isn't spending years behind bars (where she can't, by the way, protect her two girls) rather than a mere three months.

This guy may be the scum of the earth but, in this case, he did nothing wrong and was assaulted without justification.

Rule #249 is Think Before You Attack with a Bat

#240 Don't Assault Someone Over a Public Bench

Punch thrown over downtown bench because the three people sitting there refused to move so that Jeremy Davis, a transient, could sit there and panhandle.

Dude, you're a bum and have no more or less right to that bench than anyone else. And you for damned sure didn't have any right to assault someone for not capitulating to your ridiculous demands.

Also, maybe you should dry out a bit and re-evaluate where your life is headed if you are living on the streets at the age of 29.

Rule #240 is Don't Assault Someone Over a Public Bench

#164 Do Not Ignore Bullying Attacks on Children

When school bullies get out of hand and result in a first grader with a goddamned skull fracture.

The school ignored previous incidents that ended up with the boy losing four teeth and getting kicked in the stomach until the incident where a bigger kid body slammed him into a tree for no reason and fractured his skull.

Three violent episodes, the last putting the very young boy in the hospital, before the school responds? That's two too many, especially since this is a school with 97 suspensions last year for violence, the second most in that district.

Remember, these are elementary school kids, not high schoolers where gang banging and intimidation are the rule of the day. These are little kids abusing and harming other, smaller kids. I am sickened by this story and would be ashamed to be the principal that school.

Rule #164 is Do Not Ignore Bullying Attacks on Children

#161 Kicking Someone's Ass Isn't Education

Florida sheriff’s office releases “shock video" in which six girls beat the shit out of one girl while two boys kept watch.

Which is to say, they demonstrated the kind of trash they are and will likely be repeat wards of the state.

The idea they had was to beat her and then post the video on YouTube to further humiliate her.

Only the girl they beat has suffered permanent damage as a result and all eight of these kids are going to suffer for their despicable part in this violent assault.

I'm sure the lesson they intended on teaching has been lost in all of the hospital visits, rehab and, you know, the violent crimes committed against her.

PS. Nice, cheesy low-grade porn star peach fuzz you got working there, Zachary Ashley. Here's a suggestion, lose the 'stache before you go into prison.

The article does bring up a pretty disturbing trend of shock videos made and posted to YouTube with the sole purpose and demeaning people and making them suffer. What a delightful aspect of our evolving society. And I haven't even gotten around to the third graders who planned to abduct and kill their teacher.

Rule #161 is Kicking Someone's Ass Isn't Education

Rule #82 Put DOWN the Bat Before You Charge the Mound

Former big league All-Star Offerman suspended after arrest for hitting 2 players with bat

Here's the deal, Jose Offerman hit a home run in his first at-bat in a minor league game. He got drilled when he came up again. So he charged the mound and attacked the pitcher with his bat, broke the pitcher's finger and hit the catcher in the head, most likely giving him a concussion.

And those dreams of a return to the bigs are gone. Maybe those dreams of sleeping in his own bed are gone too as he committed a violent assault with a deadly weapon.

I've got no problem with a hit batsman charging the mound. I have a HUGE problem with him using a freaking baseball bat to extract some retribution. Its stupid, dangerous and illegal.

Nice work, Jose. Enjoy your stay in the pokey.

Rule #82 is Put DOWN the Bat Before You Charge the Mound