#400 Just Keep Your Dumb, Drunk and Over-Armed Ass At Home

Here's a thought. If you're going to drive around with unregistered illegal guns and an assortment of other weaponry in your car in addition to not one but two open alcohol containers (a beer and a gallon of rum, mmm, rum by the gallon screams deliciousness to me) then perhaps you want maybe not drive drunk.

Or not bring your arsenal with you out while drinking and driving. But this is pretty much exactly what Eileen Holland of Watsonville decided was a great idea. She got pulled over 3:30 in the morning for driving erratically and her bad morning got much worse quickly.

Cops Find Guns, Tear Gas, Open Bottles, etc. in Watsonville Woman's Car

I'm sure she had her reasons for being out driving drunk and armed to the teeth but I'm also pretty sure her reasons all suck and she's a danger to society as well as herself. Just stay home if you want to get all wasted and walk around your house with your weapons strapped to your body so you can pretend you're a badass. Just stay off the damned roads with your dumbass drunk self.

Rule #400 is Just Keep Your Dumb, Drunk and Over-Armed Ass At Home

#353 Don't Drink and Drive While on Duty

Miami Beach cop, in ATV crash with 3 injured, was allegedly drinking and had a woman he'd picked up at the bar on the back of his police ATV when he collided with those stupid people who were too slow to get out of his way (yes, that's a joke).

To their credit, his superiors have expressed outrage that he'd engage in such behavior and will be an out of work cop in short order if the allegations are proved true.

But still, drinking and driving your police ATV on the beach with a bar floozy on the back? And you didn't think you'd get caught before you ran into not one, not two but three people? You should not be allowed to possess a firearm, Officer Dumbshit!

Rule #353 is Don't Drink and Drive While on Duty

#349 Don't Shave Your Vajanay While Driving

Megan Barnes Driving While Shaving! Fla. Woman Arrested After Crash, Grooming "Bikini Area" Say Cops
Okay, let me clue you in, Megan Barnes. You're not very pretty and driving recklessly while shaving your vagina and having your ex husband steer for you is a clear indication that you're some kind of stupid too. You couldn't have, you know, pulled over and let him drive so could shave? Or, here's a crazy thought, you could have shaved at home in the privacy of your own bathroom.

But then, since you had no license and got a DUI the day before, I'm gonna go out on a limb and say you're probably not the sharpest knife in the drawer. You're certainly not the prettiest.

And if your face makes your date run away then why are you wasting time trimming up your vajanay?

Rule #349 is Don't Shave Your Vajanay While Driving

#337 Respect Even the Pocket Bike

Teens on pocket motorcycle injured in suspected DUI crash - Santa Cruz Sentinel

For those aren't aware of what a pocket bike is, its a tiny gas-powered motorcycle sized for a five year old. Some grown ups have figured out how to ride them with their knees going way out to the sides. I've even seen a racing league on Recreation Nation.

They are toys but they are also toys that can get you going fast enough to get you into real trouble. And two teens, who'd been drinking, riding one in traffic is a recipe for pain.

Keep in mind that these bikes are small enough to be completely below your line of sight from behind the wheel of a car. These teens were being incredibly reckless (and ironically wrecked) and the combination of alcohol on the driver's part did not help. Apparently, DUI is almost like a hobby for some people.

The end result of this sad little episode is that two teen boys got seriously busted up, neither was wearing a helmet and both had to get helicopted to hospitals over the hill.

Rule #337 is Respect Even the Pocket Bike or Your Head Is Not as Hard as the Ground or a Car's Bumper

#307 Send Serial Drunk Drivers to Prison

Cops: Richmond motorcyclist killed by a DUI driver by the name of Juan Manuel Ruelas who got his second DUI in February. He had no license to drive and yet there he was behind the wheel, drunk and dangerous. This time he killed someone else.

And what kind of man is Juan Manuel Ruelas? After he ran over Anthony Walker on his motorcycle, Juan Manuel Ruelas got out of his truck and ran away like the alcoholic coward he is.

People who drive drunk regularly are selfish morons who are putting other people's lives at risk because they are lazy fools. It sickens me to think about this scumbag getting behind the wheel without regard to the fact that he's a drunk fool.

There is a serious disconnect between getting arrested for DUI twice and then still having access to a vehicle with which to drive drunk once again. Juan Manuel Ruelas should never, ever, ever be allowed to operate a motor vehicle. He should spend the rest of his life behind bars.

Rule #307 is Send Serial Drunk Drivers to Prison